Frontiers contributing writer Ken Knox decides, after feeling physically inadequate all his life, to beat his "gym phobia" by hitting the weights with a personal trainer

BY KEN KNOX

In just one week, my entire life is about to change in ways that I've never imagined. At the age of 36-after years of self-doubt, anxiety, and insecurity-I am about to hit the gym for the first time in my life. And I'm scared as hell.

See, I'm one of those gay men who have a rather irrational-but very real-fear of working out. Just as an agoraphobic rarely strays out of his house for fear of something bad happening to him, I have let my phobia prevent me from taking better care of myself. Whenever I get anywhere near a gym, I immediately tense up. Looking around at all the guys waiting for their turn on the chest-flexer or rowing machine, I find myself wishing I were anywhere but the gym-anywhere besides the place that inevitably turns me into the same scrawny, incompetent schoolkid that was beaten up by the jocks.

I thought I had gotten over this-until I moved to Los Angeles. In this town of wannabe actors and their personal trainers, if you don't have a big chest, arms, and a six-pack stomach, you might as well just stay in your house and never come out. Some might take issue with such a sentiment, but let's be totally honest here for a moment: We are part of a community of men who place a rather high amount of importance upon physical appearance. Gay men can be extremely shallow, and there is little patience for those who do not subscribe to our often-strict ideals of what constitutes "beauty."

In essence, these gym-obsessed narcissists have morphed into the jocks who used to judge them, but instead of pushing the smaller guys into lockers or taunting them, they simply pretend they don't exist, for fear of being reminded of who they once were. Put a group of these guys together in a gym, and it's downright ruthless. Is it any wonder that a self-conscious guy like me would run screaming in the other direction?

Until now. Yes, that's right: I've finally bitten the proverbial bullet and done the "L.A. thing"-I've gotten myself a trainer, who will be working closely with me for the next six months while I spend several days a week in the gym, change my diet, and get in shape.

I'd be lying if I said that part of me doesn't want to be desired on a sexual level by the men I find attractive. But another truth is that I simply want to be in better shape. I want to be able to look in the mirror after a shower and be happy with what I see. I want to be able to feel confident when I'm with a guy and he reaches down to squeeze my biceps. I want to be able to take my shirt off at a pool party and feel good about myself. Hell, I just want to be able to climb to the top of Runyon Canyon without wanting to die of exhaustion halfway through.

Which is why my New Year's resolution this year is to finally break out of my shell and get myself in better shape. I know it won't be easy, but no one ever said it would be, and I'm not about to let insecurities I've lugged around since adolescence continue to haunt me. As it is often said, we have nothing to fear but fear itself, and I'm done being afraid. And you can hold me to that.

MY "GET FIT" PLAN
And so it begins: My trainer Ron Burns and I lay down the plan for my physical metamorphosis.

Four days of weight-resistance training and cardio, with one additional day of just cardio. "The reason there's going to be so much cardio in the beginning is that there's some fat I want to burn off," Ron tells me. "I think, in your situation, what is going to be key to the physical changes in your body is input versus output, and I think right now your ratio is backwards. I think your input is outweighing your output, and I'm going to reverse that. We're going to start burning more calories than you're taking in. Because we're going to be changing your caloric intake, what's going to happen is your body's going to begin to burn off what's stored rather than what you're taking in." The weight resistance and cardio will take place at Train West Hollywood, a private gym where Ron trains several of his clients, plus one day at Gold's Gym in Hollywood to "remove some of your insecurities and fears."

Heavy emphasis on abdominals during weight training. "In your case, you're looking to minimize the size of your mid-section and add some muscle to your upper body. So we're going to be spending a lot of time every day on your abdominal section. With other body parts, it'll be spread out. You'll be hitting one muscle group twice a week; abdominals you'll be hitting every day."

A balanced diet on a time schedule. "We're not going to be doing any supplementation," Ron informs me. "We're just going to be going with clean, healthy foods. We're going to be minimizing your sodium intake, and we're going to remove raw sugar, bleached flour, and dairy. And I'm going to put you on a time schedule. You're going to be eating at specific times throughout the day. Because we're also going to be adding muscle mass, you're going to be having three mains plus two snacks. Your appetite is going to increase tremendously, but you should never get to a point where you're hungry."

A resistance regimen catered to my insecurity. "I'm not going to give you any amount of weight that you can't handle," Ron reassures me, "because then you'd get discouraged and feel like you're weak and you wouldn't have any fun with this. What's going to happen is we're going to break down some muscle. And as that muscle repairs, it comes back stronger. And as it comes back stronger, that's what allows you to handle heavier and more weight each time you come back to the gym. You will be feeling sore in the beginning, but that's only because you're going to be using muscles you haven't used before or in a long time."

Consider me convinced. See you at the gym.  To check Ken's progress, visit his blog:
- Ken's Blog

GYM NEWS

SQueeZE CLASS SCHEDULE CHANGES

Due to Tracy and Sam's upcoming wedding (in Hawaii!), please note the following schedule changes:

• Sunday, Feb 11th at 5pm-Last Class Tracy teaches before she leaves
• Monday, Feb 12th thru Wednesday, Feb 14th-Jason Nash subs for Tracy
• Thursday, Feb 15th thru Monday, Feb 19th- NO CLASSES
• Tuesday, Feb 20th thru Saturday, Feb 24th-Jason Nash subs for Tracy
• Sunday, Feb 25th-OSCARS!  NO CLASS
• Monday, Feb 26th-Mrs.Sam Upton (TRACY!) is back!

PRO PTA (Professional Private Trainers Association) has named TRAIN as its new certification location for their Academy.   The academy is currently underway and new sessions will start March 17^th, 2007. 

Mylene was featured in the February issue of SHAPE magazine.  Check out Mylene overseeing Target Training for Abs on page 104.

Meet our new Front Desk Associate, Lisa Lilienthal.  Lisa took over Jimmy Pierce's morning shift who has left to pursue his passion in clothing and accessory design.  Lisa was a referral from Fernando Gaviria who used to train her. She's learning super quick and is enjoying the gym atmosphere.